Chub Club: Diet Humour

Diet Ha HA

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 18:57:26 GMT

Pasta Diet and Your Health

ITALIAN PASTA DIET -- IT REALLY WORKS !!

1.. You walka pasta da bakery.

2.. You walka pasta da candy store.

3.. You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop.

4... You walka pasta da table and fridge.

You will lose weight!

AND......

CONCERNED ABOUT TOO MANY CARBS IN YOUR DIET?

For those of you who watch what you eat,
here's the final word on nutrition and health.
It's a relief to know the truth
after all those conflicting
nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you

Ask a Stupid Question, Get a Stupid Answer

Fri, 23 Feb 2007 17:23:57 GMT

I have a Labrador Retriever, and was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. The woman behind me asked if I had a dog? (Duh!)

On impulse, I told her no, I was starting The Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital the last time. But I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

Cannine Humor

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was standing behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me?

I told her no, I'd been sitting in the street licking my ass and a car hit me.

I thought the guy standing behind her was going to need help as he staggered to the door laughing.

Although, this is a lame and cheater entry, I thought that it was too funny not to share...lol.

Cheers,

moe

The Newfie Diet

Sun, 04 Feb 2007 02:35:13 GMT

A Newfie was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.

"I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this
procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at
least 5 pounds."

When the Newfie returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost Nearly 30
POUNDS!

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"

The Newfie nodded..."I'll tell you though, by jaez, I t'aut I were going to
drop dead dat 3rd day."

"From hunger, you mean?"

"No, from friggin skippin'!"

What did you Google to get here?

Sat, 23 Sep 2006 02:40:18 GMT

I had to laugh, I was just checking my stats for visitors and nearly laughed myself out of my chair. Someone actually googled this and ended up at my little space...lol

"what does "a hitch in my giddy-up" mean?"

I am guessing someone else must have been doing butt crunches too....lol. I have since repaired my hitch, it's easy...give up the butt crunches....lol

Cheers!

moe

THE 5 STAGES OF A FEMALE'S LIFE

Fri, 30 Jun 2006 04:43:14 GMT

1. To Grow Up

2. To Fill Out

3. To Slim Down

4. To Hold It In

AND

5. To Hell with it

Quote

Fri, 12 May 2006 03:05:46 GMT

The toughest part of a diet isn't watching what you eat. It's watching what other people eat.

Bathroom Scale Diet Tricks

Sat, 06 May 2006 04:27:46 GMT

Okay, how many of you have tried any of these tricks? In an effort to make dieting a little more fun, I have opted to mix in a little diet humour amidst some cool tips and my dieting life (which by the way is generally somewhat humourous too). I came across this today and I know that at one time or another I have actually done some of these things....lol

1. Weigh yourself fully clothed after dinner and again the next morning without clothes and before breakfast, because it's nice to see how much weight you've lost overnight!

2. Never weigh yourself with wet hair.

3. When weighing, remove everything, including eyeglasses. In this case, blurred vision is an asset. Don't forget to remove jewellery as it could weigh as much as a pound!

4. Buy only cheap scales, never the medical kind. Accuracy is the enemy and high quality scales are very accurate.

5. Always go to the bathroom first.

6. Weigh yourself after a haircut, this is good for up to half a pound of hair (hopefully).

7. Exhale with all your might BEFORE stepping onto the scale. (Air has weight, right?)

8. Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding onto a towel rod slowly edge your other foot onto the scale while slowly releasing the towel rod. Admittedly, this takes time, but it's worth it. You will weigh at least two pounds less than if you'd stepped onto the scale normally.

Cheers!

*moe*